In my last blog, I explored trust and what happens when it is broken, including the importance of building the foundations and creating the conversations within a team so that when the difficult moments inevitably come, there is something strong enough underneath the relationship to work from.
But how do you actually do that?
It is easy to talk about trust, communication, accountability and strong relationships, but much harder to translate those ideas into what happens on a Tuesday morning when someone is under pressure, a customer is unhappy, two people disagree, a budget gets missed, a moment of silence when you walk into the room is misinterpreted, or a decision has not gone the way someone expected.
For me, it starts much earlier than the difficult moment or conversation.
You build it before you need it
If we only talk about communication when there is a communication problem, or trust when trust has already been damaged, we are already working from behind.
Building a strong team is about what happens in those ordinary moments when nothing particularly significant seems to be happening. It is whether people feel listened to when they raise something small, whether a leader follows through on what they say they will do, and whether people understand what is expected of them and feel comfortable asking questions when they don’t.
It is about whether we can talk about something that hasn’t gone well without immediately turning it into blame. Whether we talk to each other or about each other. Whether we have the respect and emotional intelligence to navigate moments of frustration together, while still holding everyone to the same standards of behaviour and accountability.
Those moments might not feel particularly important at the time, but they are the bricks that build the relationship. And when the difficult moment comes, those bricks matter.
Create the conversations before you need them
One of the things we explore in our team and leadership work is the importance of having conversations while things are still manageable. That doesn’t mean every little issue needs to become a formal conversation. Sometimes it is simply being able to say, “Can I check something with you?”, “I wanted to talk about what happened earlier because I’m not sure we’re on the same page,” or even “Hey, about yesterday…”
The challenge for leaders is creating enough trust that people feel able to raise something with us and each other before frustration builds and the conversation becomes about five other things that have been sitting underneath the original issue.
And that starts with how we respond when someone does speak up.
If our immediate response is defensiveness, dismissal or an explanation about why they are wrong or shouldn’t feel that way, we teach people that raising concerns is difficult and that their experience may be dismissed. If we can pause and say, “Okay, tell me more about that,” or “I can see that has landed differently for you. Let’s work through it,” we create a very different experience.
We might not agree with their perspective, but we can still try to understand it. We can acknowledge that someone is navigating a challenge, explain what we need from them and ask what support they need from us. That is how we keep the conversation open rather than allowing assumptions to take over.
Clarity and consistency build trust
Trust is harder to build when people are unsure of what is expected of them, where they stand or whether the same standards apply to everyone.
In small businesses, a lot of the way things are done can become second nature. Expectations may have been established over years of working together, and what seems obvious to one person may not be obvious to someone else. When those expectations aren’t clear, people can end up making assumptions, feeling frustrated or believing they are being treated differently.
Building trust means being clear about what matters, communicating expectations and addressing things when they aren’t working. It also means being consistent in how we treat people, even when conversations are uncomfortable or we have different relationships with different members of the team.
This doesn’t mean everyone has to agree with every decision or that things will always feel fair to everyone. It means people understand where they stand and can trust that concerns will be heard and addressed respectfully, even when the outcome isn’t what they had hoped for.
Make it okay to talk about the struggle
There will also be times when people are struggling with their workload, a relationship, a customer or a new responsibility. As leaders, we don’t need to pretend we have it all together all the time either. Being willing to acknowledge what we are finding difficult, where we might be struggling or when we haven’t got something right creates space for others to do the same.
This takes a level of vulnerability and self-awareness. It is not about having all the answers or sharing everything with everyone, but about being real enough to acknowledge when something is challenging and being open to working through it. When leaders are prepared to do this, they demonstrate that asking for help or admitting a struggle isn’t a sign of failure; it is part of how we learn, grow and work together.
This is where the idea of state the struggle, own the struggle and share the struggle becomes practical. We can acknowledge that something is difficult, take responsibility for the part that belongs to us and share the challenge with the person or team who can help us work through it.
That is very different from allowing people to struggle silently until something eventually breaks. Building trust means creating an environment where we can be honest about the things we find difficult, including as leaders, and work through them together.
Trust is built through what we model
As leaders, we have a significant influence on how people behave at work, not just through what we say, but through what we demonstrate in our own actions. If we expect people to be open and honest, we need to be willing to do the same. If we want people to take accountability, we need to be prepared to acknowledge when we have got something wrong. And if we want people to treat each other with respect, that needs to be evident in how we respond, particularly when we are under pressure or don’t agree.
Trust isn’t built by getting everything right. It is built through the way we handle things when we don’t. It is being prepared to listen when feedback is difficult to hear and to acknowledge the impact of our actions, even when that wasn’t our intention.
There is a difference between telling people how we expect them to behave and demonstrating it ourselves. We cannot expect people to speak openly if we shut down conversations we find uncomfortable, or ask them to take responsibility if we aren’t prepared to do the same.
We won’t always get it right, and neither will the people around us. What matters is whether we are willing to recognise it, have the conversation and work towards putting things right.
The difficult moment will still come
The purpose of all of this isn’t to create a workplace where difficult moments never happen. Someone will misunderstand something, a decision will disappoint someone, a customer will create pressure or two people will see the same situation very differently.
The difference is what you have built before that moment arrives.
If the foundations are strong, you have a history of conversations, clear expectations and people who have experienced being listened to and treated with respect. You have a level of trust that says, “We might not agree on this, but we can talk about it.”
That doesn’t mean the conversation will be easy. It means you have a better chance of working through it together.
And perhaps that is what building a strong team is really about: not eliminating the difficult moments, but creating the relationships and the trust that help us navigate them when they come.
Build the foundation before you need it. Create the conversations before they become difficult.
Because when the difficult moment inevitably comes, you want there to be something strong enough underneath the relationship to work from.
